WALK A MILEY IN MY SHOES
By Jeff Weinstein
And to top off a year where Cyrus has been as determined as Justin Bieber to prove how irredeemably lame she is, she raises the moron-ante another echelon again by smoking dope live on television while receiving her EMA award from Amsterdam. (Real class act.) Of course, maybe someone should have told her that ALL drugs are illegal in the Netherlands, which includes Amsterdam--not that it would matter to her.
What was her reason for doing this? "I thought it would be funny," she said. Would The Beatles have dropped acid while receiving one of their Grammys? Would Elvis have popped pills and eaten a fried banana peanut butter sandwich while collecting an award? Would Sinatra get stoned . . . okay, forget Sinatra--he drank more than Dean Martin. But you get my point: has everyone in the entertainment field just turned into inbred hillbillies all of a sudden?
At the age of 20, Miley Cyrus has managed to show us what would happen if a five-year-old were given control of the bridge of a riverboat. She is a walking train wreck that is only seconds away from exploding. Is this her idea of being REBELLIOUS? Ooo, wow, look at the randy little tart bogarting a spleef in front of the world. What a mental giant. What's next, lighting farts?
In the late '50s, when John Lennon tinkled on a couple passing nuns from a second-story apartment balcony THAT was rebellious. When The Beatles assaulted Capitol Records by secretly shooting their cover for their American "Yesterday"...and Today album featuring themselves in butcher smocks, covered with shanks of raw meat and decapitated, naked baby dolls (which caused a major uproar and an instant recall of the album from record store shelves) THAT was rebellious. When The Rolling Stones' Mick Jagger sang "You'd make a dead man cum" in their hit single "Start Me Up" back in the '80s THAT was rebellious. When New Wave singer Lene Lovich got arrested for masturbating with her microphone stand during a televised concert in Germany, THAT was rebellious.
In other words: been there, done that (and a lot more shockingly)--decades ago. In the '60s it was a big deal to get busted for smoking pot. Paul McCartney lost his whole Japanese tour and spent nine days in jail for having pot in his luggage when traveling to Japan with his band Wings back in 1980.
So, 33 years after this, Cyrus sparks up a doobie while in the pot capitol of the world. That's like drinking a sixer of beer in Berlin, Germany. Major accomplishment. Major rebellion. Major idiot.
This all has to be cracking her father's acky, breaky heart. (Sorry, I just had to go there--I'm sure Billy Ray will forgive me. That, or kick my ass.)
Engaging in bad behavior doesn't guarantee that the perpetrator is a bad-ass. Cyrus is just a silly clown--in fact, let me take that back. John Belushi, John Candy and Chris Farley were Clowns. Jim Carrey, Jerry Lewis and Roberto Begnini are Clowns. Miley Cyrus is a zit on a clown's ass.
She is rumored to be preparing for her birthday party, which is supposed to have an S&M theme. I'm sure she thinks she's so original, likely not having heard of Cher, Madonna, Lady Gaga or The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Hey, Miley, here's an idea: you want to really shock people? Try writing a song that will be remembered 10 years from now. THAT would make you different from most of your peers. That would shock EVERYONE. Hell, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles and The Who still have songs in radio rotation that came out 50 years ago! And the next time you hit a showroom, don't forget to buy a car that fits your demeanor: a 2014 Short Bus. Has Disney stopped spinning yet? Probably not.
